Hi,

I know this may come as a surprise, but I have something to say to you that I’ve been holding back for 29 years.

Well, I’m BI……….yes, bi as in bisexual.

Surprise!!!!!!

I know is not funny, and it must come as a confusing statement from someone you thought you really knew well.

No, this isn’t a joke… No it isn’t a game… and yes I’m sure.

I’ve been as sure today as when I was probably 5.

I know you wonder how such a young girl could ever know if they are gay, but  I always knew.  I even wondered if I was born right or not, at that age you don’t understand concepts like gay or straight, but you know somehow you don’t fit like other kids. You are just different.

Later you grow up, and you realize what you are, and you of course deny it at all cost. This can’t be happening to you. Everyone says it’s hormones, and you go along… it will pass.

Then it doesn’t. In fact it becomes more evident and hard to deal with, so you think about every possibility. You either are strong enough to admit that you’re gay or you hide.

Well I chose to hide, I have already decided that I wasn’t going to have a family, I knew I couldn’t, remember I always told you I wasn’t going to get married, and that I wasn’t to have any kids??? well I know you thought it was just a say, but it wasn’t.

To stay in the closet is a decision you make, in fact the only one you ever make. I was born this way. And NO you don’t have anything to do with this. It just happend.

Believe me I’ve tried to change but I couldn’t, no one drove my to this or told me it was FUN. In fact this has been a burden all these years, no one choses such a difficult life. I just wanted to be loved by you. Not to be distanced or rejected, see… you are the best part of me.

I wished so many times I would get a clue about what you feel about the subject, but it has just made me more afraid. And so along went the years and now I’m older and still hiding from you… from myself.

I think is time, even if I lose it all. Because I can’t pretend anymore. It gets to me so easily now. Every comment people make. Every myth they have, they don’t even care that we exist in this world, that we live so close and yet so far.

WE ARE, and we are your kids, and your siblings, your cousins, you nieces or nephews, your friends.

We are not degenerated, or perverts, we live our lives, we work, we are “honest” people. WE EXIST… HERE next to you.

I wonder what you think of me now, did I change in your mind? Did I stop existing? Did you lose a daughter? Will you love me again?

I hope that you can still see your kid in me. I haven’t changed… I just CAME OUT.

Love you,

The N-guurl :_(